James Gamble @jamesdotgamble@penguicon.social

I’m really happy to see Mastadon taking off. Thanks Elon!

I'll bet there are a few seconds on that medieval torture stretcher rack where it feels incredible.

Anneke Gamble: I need advice.

Me: (eating cookie dough for breakfast) You came to the right person.

Tonight, I plan on traveling exactly one hour into the past. I hope to see you all on the other side, but if I don't make it, let me know before 2:00 AM.

I have a Polish friend who is a sound technician. And a Czech one too. And a Czech one too.

So now that all the major social media platforms are dying, I guess it's time to ask Tom from MySpace to make a comeback.

A friendship errand is where you do a little task with a friend by your side for company. For example, picking up your prescription, or stopping at the post office, or transporting a ring of power to Mordor.

Extrovert: Get out of your comfort zone.

Introvert: Get out of my comfort zone.

If I win the Powerball, I’m definitely not going to tell anyone much less social media. But I may show up at your next event in a helicopter.

I don't know who needs to know this, but you can buy confetti cannon's on Amazon in bulk.

Me: Ah, I will now drift gently off to dreamland.

Refrigerator: I SHALL MAKE SOME ICE CUBES!!!

Doctor: Have you ever been tested for ADHD before?

Me: [thinking about what my entrance song would be if I were a wrestler] You have a nice office!

Me: On Halloween, we dress up as skeletons but every other day of the year our skeletons dress up as us.

Cop: You know you have the right to remain silent, right?

The person that came up with “Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes” is a lyrical mastermind.

I don't know what millennial needs to hear this, but throw away the box your phone came in. You don't need it.

Snickers commercial: You're not you when you're hungry.

Me: [always hungry] ... who am i

Reverse Gatekeeping: Where I force everyone around me to get into a thing I like.

There’s a Fazoli’s (Taco Bell but Italian) in Tampa by Busch Gardens and I’m about to carb load.

We went to Busch Gardens today and the humidity almost did us in. It was only 80 out but with 100% humidity we only lasted like 2.5 hours.

Google search is becoming one of those dying malls. You still go there out of habit, but once you get there, none of it is what you want. You can remember when it was a useful place to visit, but now it's weirdly hollow and you leave without getting what you came for.